Dear Ms. Mabel,

My mother passed away a few months ago and I’m dreading the holidays without her. I miss her so much. It just won’t seem like Christmas without her. All the family traditions and stuff just seem pointless now. I hate this. I want to skip the next couple of months completely.

Devastated Daughter,

Hendersonville, TN

Truth be told, I wish I could hug your neck. Those “firsts,” like the first Christmas without them or first birthday are the absolutely hardest.

Grief is a funny thing. It hits you in ways you never expect. There’s no escaping it, either. Not in any sort of healthy way, anyways. I think the most important thing to do while you’re grieving is to just recognize that your grief is going to influence a lot of your decisions for a while. So you gotta keep an eye on it or else you run the risk of allowing it to consume you.

Those family traditions don’t actually seem pointless, you’re just afraid to face the sadness of doing those things without her. I don’t blame you a bit! Nobody wants to do that. But if you can find the courage to face that hurt head on, like REALLY face it, you’ll be better for it. Just like with fear, there’s also a good bit of bravery to be found when we square up to things that make us sad.

If you can find that courage to sit up, straighten your shoulders (maybe put on a little lipstick) and be present in those hard moments next year will be easier. Keep reminding yourself that this is the last time you’ll have the first Christmas without her. Feel all those feelings and cry all those tears. Just show up and do the holidays like your Momma would want you to. You’ll find moments of joy in it too, I bet. You’ll see.

My heart hurts for you, darlin’. You’ll hear it said that grief doesn’t actually go away, you just learn to live with it and it's true. I’ve cried my own tears writing this for loved ones who have been passed on for a long time. It’s a beautiful thing to know the love of someone so strongly to feel the pain of their loss many years after they are gone.

Merry Christmas, sweet girl. You are in my prayers.