Dear Ms. Mabel,

My daughter-in-law has put up one of those huge skeletons in her family’s front yard. They live right next to us and I have to see that thing every single time I walk out my front door. It’s vulgar and I can’t stand it! They have small children! How do I talk to her about the kind of message she’s sending to her family and anyone else who sees it? I’ve prayed and prayed that she sees that celebrating Halloween is just nothing more than giving the devil his due.

Mortified mother-in-law,

Gallatin, TN

Truth be told, I agree, those big ol’ things are a bit much for my taste but you listen here. I mean this with all the love I have in my heart: IT AIN'T NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS what she does in her yard.

Furthermore, the more you try to control them, the more they are going to fight you … I can guarantee that.

I can remember, way back when, that my mother thought it was vulgar when women stopped wearing stockings with their dresses and skirts. God rest her soul, we buried her in her Hanes Her Way Control-Top Sandalfoot so she didn’t have to spend eternity bare-legged with a lower belly bulge.

Myself, I thought the grandkids cutting up and ripping on their jeans was vulgar. I patched and reworked so many pairs of pants in my day. I couldn't believe what they were doing.

Just the other day, I witnessed a heated debate between two of my grandchildren, born 16 years apart. They were “discussing” something about this younger generation's music and I believe the phrase “complete garbage” was uttered. I’d rather crawl up under the bed and look for cat dookie than have to witness the argument that followed again. It was so stupid.

My point is, so much of what we get upset about are just fads and will eventually go away anyways. No sense in getting your girdle in a gob over it. Unless she’s out there sacrificing lambs at the foot of it or dancing around by the light of the moon, you need to keep your mouth shut. It won’t be easy, but I believe in you.

P.S. – Won’t it be funny when all these big ol’ skeletons go out of fashion? What are they going to do with them? Maybe we should bury them for future generations to dig up and think we lived with the giants.