Dear Ms. Mabel,

Our family is currently in the middle of the biggest struggle we’ve ever had. Last week, my 17-year-old told us she was pregnant. My husband and I are at a loss. She’s always been such a good girl. Good grades, well behaved, well liked, always responsible, never even missing curfew. She and her boyfriend have been together for a couple of years, and he’s a pretty good kid, too. They are committed to being parents. He seems almost excited and it weirds me out. She’s been pretty quiet about her feelings, but she’s also been really sick. Honestly, I don’t even know what advice I’m seeking, and I’m not trying to make this about me, I just feel so lost.

In the Weeds,

Westmoreland, TN

Truth be told, darlin’, it’s okay to make this about you for a minute.

I’ve seen this same situation up close with a very dear friend, and I can tell you one thing for certain: your reactions moving forward, your support, your love, your protection and your attitude CAN influence what the future looks like for your daughter and her child. So, let's take a little time to get your head right, shall we?

The first thing I want you to do is get on your knees and thank the good Lord for a daughter who’s got her priorities in order.

If she’s committing to be a mother this young and not exploring any other options, that's saying something about her character. She IS still a good girl. This doesn’t change who she is. Don’t forget that.

Go ahead and thank Him for the boy who seems excited. You say it “weirds you out” so tell me – what would you rather him do? Not be happy and skip town? Find something else to dislike about him. He probably doesn’t know how to read a map or dial a rotary phone, so start there. But really, the quickest way out of despair is gratitude and it sounds like you got some reasons for it.

What’s not weird is you feeling lost.

Most people get to mourn their children’s childhood gradually over a few years. You didn’t get to do that, so I think it’s perfectly fine to feel SOMETHING about it. Maybe it's sadness, maybe it’s anger, probably it’s a mix of both. Whatever it is, go on and feel that to your toes and work through it. Scream! Cry! Hit something! (Notice I said someTHING and not someONE, that’s very important here. I did not just tell you to hit the father of your future grandchild) Be open with your daughter while you’re working through it all. Tell her you love her and you will be all she needs, but you need a little time to get yourself together. Then go do it. You don’t have a choice. She needs you.

You’ll be processing it all for a good bit, but you’ll get over the initial gut punch quicker than you think. Then it’s time to jump into protection mode. Some will insist you let your girl learn a lesson in all this, but I can’t for the life of me figure out what more she could glean from it. Don’t spend a second worrying about those people and concentrate on the ones who can build her up. That’s your job more than ever now. Make sure everyone who has access to her knows their role. Get ahead of everything. Tell the important people BEFORE she does so they can act appropriately. She doesn’t have to know this, she just needs to feel loved.

The more love she feels, the more confidence she will have. The more confidence she has, the better mom she will be. Same goes for her boyfriend. Your job is to fill their world with positivity and love.

Now, what happens moving forward will look different for everyone, but I hope I’ve given you a good start to work from.

All that’s left for me to add is: Congratulations! The Lord has already numbered that baby’s hairs, and they will be so loved.

If you haven’t picked out a grandma name yet, I’d like to suggest Nana. I sure do like the sound of that one myself.