Dear Ms. Mabel, 

I’m so tired of everything being a struggle. Struggling to pay my bills, struggling to maintain my relationships, struggling to get out of bed and go to a job I don’t even like.  I’m not saying I'm depressed, just nothing is going right for me lately. Any advice on how to pull myself out of this funk?

Give me hope,

Hendersonville, TN

Whew. Girl, truth be told, we’ve all been there. As the kids say, the struggle is real and It’s really easy to get caught up in it, too. 

One of the greatest perks of getting older is the gift of looking back over your life and realizing your biggest blessings were found hidden amongst your biggest struggles. If you can take ahold of this while you are young, you’ll be leaps and bounds ahead of all the other young folks. 

The first thing you gotta do is to stop worshiping your problems. 

Look, I know this will be an unpopular opinion in certain circles, but you are letting too much of the negative stuff ride shotgun. I’m not saying you gotta ignore your feelings when life gets you down, just don’t stay stuck wallowing in your misery indefinitely. We all fall into the sticky trap of “woe is me” from time to time, and the quickest way out is gratitude. Get in the habit of reminding yourself what you have to be thankful for. For me, it helps to make physical lists, not just mental ones. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, unless you need it to be; jot down a few things you are grateful for a couple of times a day or when you find yourself standing at the edge of the pit of self pity. You can never go wrong with focusing on the good in your life. 

Next, stop comparing your life to everyone else's. 

Stop it. Stop right now. You hear me? I mean it. Stop. You know darn well that no one’s life is perfect, even if it looks like it.  My daddy told me onetime, “Girl, you drive your tractor and let them drive theirs.” Spoiler alert, he wasn't talking about a literal tractor, he was telling me to mind my own business but I’ve found I can apply that little nugget of wisdom in a lot of places. My “tractor” has hit some bumps, veered way off course, lost a wheel and got back in the right lane again so many times I’ve lost count. It’s really hard not to look at someone else who has stayed the course and done it all just right and not be a little envious of their success. 

But let me tell you something: with every mishap and misfortune, I’ve learned some REALLY important lessons. I’ve gained a lot of wisdom, life experience and confidence in my ability to pull myself up by my bootstraps and get back on track. I bet you have, too! Think about that for a minute. You’ve done pretty good for yourself, haven’t you?  Keep on chugging, sister. You’re doing just fine.

While you’re at it, stop borrowing trouble, too. 

My momma used to say that phrase to me all that time when I was a kid. Unfortunately, I didn’t fully comprehend it until I was well into adulthood when I added another couple of words to her well-worn advice – “Don’t borrow trouble from tomorrow.” To me, that means you can’t worry about things that might happen or could go wrong in the future. The only moment you have any semblance of control over is the exact one you are living in, so don’t worry about what comes next. Yes, of course, you have to do some planning for the future, but you know you can’t control it all completely.

The Good Book even tells us that worrying is useless: ”Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” (Matthew 6:25). Don’t waste your time thinking about what could go wrong; think about what could go right or just don’t give it much thought at all. Do the best you can with the time you are given and spend most of your energy living in the moment.

And lastly, you gotta let go of your fairytales.

I have no idea what little boys dream of when they think about growing up and doing grown up things, but little girls (mostly) think they’ll get a white knight on a fast horse and probably a castle. By now, you’ve figured out that's not likely going to happen. Adult women (and men) still get wrapped up in our own “fairy tales,” though. Whether it’s the “perfect” man or dream job or having a 3-course dinner on the table every night when we come home, we’ve all got an idea of what our perfect life would look like. You should 100% have dreams and goals and a lifestyle to work toward, but make sure it’s realistic.

Don’t set yourself up for disappointment by demanding that the only life worth living is one where you have it all. Take a big notice of the little things in life that make you happy, and don’t get so caught up in striving for perfection that you miss out on the imperfections that make your world unique and beautiful.

Bottom line, happiness boils down to perspective. Your life isn’t always going to be easy. Well, if you pursue a meaningful one anyways. You gotta take the bad with the good and keep on rolling. Get up and do what you can to make today a great day. Go to bed and then do it all again the next day.

Just remember, while you are in the pits of mundane or climbing the hills of adversity, look for the blessing that's waiting on the other side.