Dear Mabel,

I’m so sick of hearing the phrase “just stay positive.” This has been the hardest few weeks, with one crappy thing after another. My car broke down and it’s still in the shop. I got in a terrible fight with a long time friend. This cold weather has my body aching. Everyone I talk to about it just says something like “it could be worse” or “keep your chin up.” I don’t have a good reason to stay positive. There is no bright side as far as I can see.

Only Dark Clouds,

Cross Plains, TN

Well aren’t you just a ray of sunshine…

Truth be told, girl, your friends are right.

What good is it doing you to wallow in your pity? Sure, it’s good to be honest with yourself and acknowledge that things aren't going your way. Go ahead and have a good cry, but then you gotta pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on.

I can tell from your letter that you have things to be thankful for, so start there. I always say, the quickest way out of the self pity pit is to grab onto things you’re thankful for. Look at you. You have a car to drive and money to pay for repairs. Most importantly, you have people in your life who care enough to listen to your bellyaching and still like you enough to try to build you up. Keep going, I'm sure you can think of more reasons to be thankful…

Next, maybe quit thinking about yourself. The second best way to feel better about a situation is to focus on someone else for a while. Don’t ignore your problems but avoid falling in the “poor pitiful Pearl” cycle of only focusing on what’s right in front of you. There’s a whole big world out there and a lot of them are in worse shape than you.

I know I’m being a little hard on you but it’s because I love you. You had a run of bad luck and I get that you’re tired but someone had to knock some sense into you.

Get it together.

You have a choice. There’s always something to be thankful for and there’s ALWAYS someone in worse shape than you. It’s all in how you look at it.

Good luck, sister. I’m praying for you.