Dear Mabel,

I feel a little helpless. I’ve been single for many years and to be honest, I’m a bit lonely. I would love to find someone, but it doesn’t seem to be happening for me. I’ve tried all the dating sites and connections with friends. It’s all just a big NOTHING. Any advice?

Relationship ready,

Ridgetop, TN

Truth be told, darlin’, it’s a terrible thing to be lonely. I’ve been painfully lonely for a few seasons myself. It’s doubly hard to be lonely while you’re waiting on “the one.” Now, let me see what I can come up with to help you here…

Oh, I got it! Christmas!

We often use the phrase “like a kid at Christmas” to describe getting super excited. But when you really think about it, for kids, Christmas dinners are usually about 10 minutes worth of excitement and the rest of the time is just WAITING.

Tortuous, butterflies-in-the-belly, “what-is-taking-so-long, it's-never-going-to-get-here” WAITING.

We get them babies all dressed up, but make ‘em wait to leave. We carry them over to wherever we’re celebrating, but tell them to not touch the food until we pray. AND THEN us grown folk proceed to take a ridiculous amount of time to eat before we tell them they can open their present. To top it off, at some point during all that waiting, someone will them to “go find something to do” while they wait!

The nerve.  Don’t you know them kids want to look at us and shout, “HOW ABOUT WE DO WHAT WE CAME HERE TO DO AND OPEN THE PRESENTS ALREADY?”

Here you are. You’re ready, just sittin’ on go, but you have no control over when the good stuff actually happens. My advice is to pursue things you DO have control over while you wait. In short, GO FIND SOMETHING TO DO.

So let’s (finally) get to the point of all this…

Ready. Set. Go!

Ms. MABEL’S LIST OF THINGS TO DO WHILE YOU ARE IN A SEASON OF WAITING

1)  Interview your oldest relative and write down/record their life story.

I’m partial to this one since it gets different generations talking. We need more of that. It’s hard to imagine now, but your grandparents led some crazy lives. At the age where most modern kids are getting their first jobs, they were off fighting in wars, clothing their babies in flour sacks or setting off to make their own way in the world. Your elders have some incredible stories to tell that are worth sharing and recording for future generations.

If you aren’t sure where to start, here’s a few tips:

1. Get them talking about memories of their oldest relatives. Or ask them what their earliest memory is.
   
2. Stick to open-ended questions like, “What do you remember about your childhood home?” or “What can you remember about your grandparents?”
   
3. Use old pictures or family heirlooms to start the conversations.
   

Whether you learn something new or hear the same stories you’ve heard your whole life, it will surely be time well spent. The older generations have so much they can teach us about life, love, and appreciating every moment of each day.

2) Learn a signature recipe.

Fellas, I know, I know. You grill a mean steak. That’s great!  But … what else?

And listen, ladies – if you consistently get asked to bring drinks or plates/napkins to family gatherings, maybe it’s time to learn a few signature recipes. Every adult needs a few tasty treats to pull out in a pinch. Whether you venture out on your own to experiment or ask someone to teach you, I don’t want to hear no more excuses.

Here’s my chocolate chip cookie recipe. You can claim it as your own; I don’t mind a bit.

1 stick of butter flavored Crisco

1 cup of brown sugar and 1 cup of white sugar

Cream together

Add two eggs and enough vanilla to satisfy the spirit of your ancestors

Mix until combined

Add 3 cups of flour, 1 teaspoon of baking soda, ½ teaspoon of baking powder and 1 tablespoon of salt

Mix until combined

Add your desired amount of chocolate chips or chunks

Bake at 375 degrees until the tops are slightly brown; cool on pan for 2 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack.

Enjoy!

3) Take an active role in church or community organizations.

This feels like an obvious one, but it needs to be said. Get out there and get involved in stuff. Make new friends. Serve your community. Everybody needs purposes. Go find one.

4) Start a gratitude journal.

This is something you can start today. Like right now, as soon as you finish reading this. It’s really hard not to be happy if you are consistently thinking about all the great stuff in your life. Start right now, and jot down a few things to thank the good Lord for today (If you don’t talk to God, that's okay; just know I’m praying for you, though).

Go ahead, write them down and come back. I’ll wait……

Didn’t that feel kinda good?

Now, try to make this a regular thing. Twice a day, write down a few things you’re grateful for. I promise, you’ll see a big change in your thinking. You’ll start to see more positive things right there in your face, in the moment, every day. The lists will get easier to make and maybe even get longer. You might even rub off on other people.

Well, I hope you’ve found some ideas in this list to fill your time in positive and rewarding ways. Whether you have a lot of time to give or just a little, spending your free time focusing on serving others and practicing an attitude of gratitude is the perfect start to a fulfilling and happy life, no matter your relationship status.

(An added bonus: when you follow through with some of these, answering the question “What do you do in your free time?” will be a whole lot more interesting. Yep. You’re welcome.)