Dear Ms. Mabel,

How do I encourage my daughter to stop allowing her son to trick or treat? He’s 15 and that’s far too old for dressing up and going door to door, but she sees nothing wrong with it. He gets really into it and has created this elaborate costume that’s taken weeks to make. It’s just plain odd.  I don’t want to make her mad but enough is enough. 

Befuddled,

Bethpage, TN

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Truth be told, you sound about as much fun as head lice in a house full of girls who share a hairbrush. Did you put your panties on backwards this morning or something? I swear. 

I’ve met plenty of people like you over the years. You know, the kind who think their opinion ACTUALLY matters even though that couldn’t be further from the truth. Y’all’d all be heaps happier if you’d just let other people enjoy things without it having to make sense to you. 

If you really think about it, most hobbies and such are all weird. 

For instance, some people like to hoard little cardboard rectangles that have pictures and info about complete strangers written on it. Others tie strings in complicated knots. Personally, I enjoy performing edible chemistry experiments.

Back when I was younger and still cared if people liked me, I had a neighbor who would put in her two cents about every single goings on, especially anything her daughter, Amelia, was doing. Amelia was a cute little 12-year-old set of knees and elbows with wildly curly hair. She had a fire in her that, even though I was an adult at the time, I was (and still am) a little jealous of. 

If Amelia wanted to do something, she found a way. This drove her mother, Betty, absolutely bananas. Betty fussed and fought with Amelia all the time to keep her hair neat, her nails clean and, for heaven sakes, keep dirt off her dress.

As you can imagine, all that fussin' didn't do a darn thing. 

Amelia wanted to be outside with her brothers and my boys, climbing trees and playing football. Betty about drove herself into an early grave trying to turn Amelia into a proper lady. Looking back on it, she probably just wanted the girl to grow up and marry well so she could have a good life. That was kinda all mothers ever thought about back then.

Amelia fought her tooth and nail and got pretty good at being one of the boys. So good, in fact, that Amelia was the default quarterback of their pickup games. Betty was often visibly embarrassed by her daughter’s interests. One day, as the neighborhood boys were all gearing up for an afternoon of play, Betty came running down the street after Amelia as she tried to join the game. Joe, the oldest of Betty’s boys, stepped up in front of his Momma to stop her. 

“Why can’t you just let her have fun, Momma, she’ll be living the same old boring life you do soon enough.” 

The children all gasped and waited for Betty to lay into Joe. She was silent, though, as she turned and slowly walked home. 

By the time Amelia was off to university, she’d grown into her knobs quite nicely. I overheard my boys remark on several occasions that Amelia was quite the looker, but also a little scary so they never actually told her as much. 

One day, while walking across her college campus, a football came flying, landing right in front of Amelia. I wish I would have seen the looks on the faces of all the people as she launched it back to its owner. One boy in the crowd of onlookers was particularly impressed — the football team’s captain, Andrew. Of course, it was love at first sight and he was from a well-to-do family so Betty was satisfied. The pair raised a brood of super good-looking, super athletic children and lived happily ever after. 

So now I’m going to ask you Joe’s question: Why can’t your grandson just have fun while he can? He’s going to be living your boring adult life soon enough. Maybe you’re like Betty and have some well-intended, underlying motive for stealing someone else’s joy. 

If that’s the case, you need to go ahead and think that through. The best advice I can give is this ain't about YOU, honey. 

For heaven’s sake, stop being a fun sponge and just let people enjoy things. 

I don’t think there’s much else I need to say.