Dear Ms. Mabel, 

I feel like I’m fighting in a circle. I try to stay positive, but everywhere I turn it’s a struggle to keep my head above water. There are issues at work, my kids are driving me crazy, my marriage could use some work, and money is so tight right now. I’m constantly stressed trying to keep it all together and be positive, but I feel like I could fall apart at any minute. How do I actually stay positive through all this?

Trying to stay positive,

Portland, TN

Truth be told, sounds like you need a break. C’mon sister, jump aboard this crazy train and let's go for a ride.

Picture it. You’re somewhere tropical and hot, with gentle breeze keeping you comfortable as you dig your feet a few layers deep into the cool part of the sand. Feeling a little thirsty? No problem, your mind has the power to summon mid-2000s era Johnny Depp to bring you a fruity frozen drink. It’s up to your fancy as to whether he’s dressed as a pirate or not.

What’s that sound off in the distance? It’s your children laughing and playing as the waves lap gently onto the shore. They’re making up a song and you listen to make out the words. Awe! They’re saying “Mom is the best! We love her so much!” How precious are those little angel darlings?

You see a man walking toward you. He’s a real hunk-aburning-love.  Who IS that guy? It’s your husband, who got mildly jealous because he saw you glance at the pirate booty so he’s coming to sit beside you. He says he wants to listen to (and retain) everything you’ve ever wanted to say out loud. 

If you want to keep going from here, I’ll wait. Go ahead, dream up whatever you want. 

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Alright then. You good? You ready to move on?

Now, I don’t know if it’s the “right” thing to do or not, but I find little pretend vacations like that help me relax when it feels like nothing is going my way and hone in on my priorities, too. 

As women, it seems like we try to make EVERYTHING a priority, but it just can’t be so. I recommend making a list of the MOST important things and look at it often.

Darling, there’s going to be times when you just have to put out the hottest burning fires and let the rest of them smolder a little while. If you keep going like you’re going, you’re gonna end up shaving your head and saying weird things to random strangers in the grocery store. In my experience, only former Disney child stars and eccentric millionaires can get away with stuff like that. Plus, very few people have the bone structure for a bald head, sister. 

Anyways… 

Now, you listen to ol’ Mabel while I tell you some truths, okay?

All you can do is the best you can. 

If you are doing the best you can, then you literally can’t do any better than that now, can you? Look for the good in your current situation. What’s going right? Write a few lines in your gratitude journal and even brag on yourself … to yourself. 

Most things aren’t as bad as they seem at the moment. 

Ask yourself — are you currently drowning in the possibility of everything falling apart, or is it really that bad? Only you can answer that question and go from there. 

And lastly…

Stop all that pretending if you need to. 

There’s a big difference between “fake it ‘til you make it” and pretending that everything is fine when it’s most definitely not. Ain’t nobody saying you have to be 100 percent positive 100 percent of the time and if they do, they’re either delusional or incredibly privileged to never have had any real problems. It’s okay to say (or shout) I DON’T LIKE THIS and make some changes. 

Staying positive is most definitely a choice you have to make, but it’s not just pretending that everything is okay. It’s looking for the good in every situation while fixing what’s wrong. It’s truly knowing the limits of what you are capable of and being comfortable in your imperfections. It’s acknowledging when something isn’t right and drawing some lines in the sand to protect your peace of mind. 

It sounds to me like you need to be giving yourself a lot more grace. You might want to look at lowering your expectations, too. 

I know, I know. Everybody’s all about being your best self nowadays, but it makes me tired just watching it. Some of y’all are due for a nap or two, at least.

The world isn’t going to collapse if you slow down a bit. I promise. 

Love,

Ms. Mabel

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