Dear Ms. Mabel,

First of all, I’m only 21 years old, but I love your column. You remind me of my grandmother who died a few years ago. Anyways, I need advice on how to help my Mom. She’s owned a local business since I was a baby, and I recently started working with her full-time. Business has always been good, but lately she’s getting beaten down by her customers. So many people come in with mean or entitled attitudes expecting my Mom to jump through hoops to make them happy. I see how it’s affecting her, and she’s exhausted. She’s a really nice person and generally just wants to make people happy. I know I’m going to sound like an old person when I say this, but where have good manners gone? Please help me figure out how to handle these rude people. I love my Mom, and she doesn’t deserve to be treated this way. 

Sincerely,

Momma’s Girl

Springfield, TN

Truth be told, darlin, I can’t think of a single thing I’d rather do right now than help you. Well, except to maybe hop a flight to Tahiti with Tom Selleck. Shewee, he’s a cutie, ain’t he? What am I saying? I got candies in the bottom of my purse older than you. You probably don’t even know who Tom Selleck is. Just take my word for it, he’s worth looking at.

Anyhow, you’re so sweet!  I just want to stick you in my pocket and carry you around all the time. Listen, we’re gonna figure this out together, girl, don’t you worry. Even if I have to come up there and whip some of these rude customers myself!

I’ll never forget my first real run-in with a miserably rude person. 

The first day of my senior year, I walked into English class and came face to face with the meanest, most spiteful grown woman on earth. 

Okay, maybe that’s pushing it. She was the meanest, most spiteful woman I’d ever met. From day one she hated me, and I couldn’t understand why. All of my previous teachers loved me!  Looking back as an adult, I can draw some conclusions as to why this woman was so mean, but I’ll keep that to myself.

Every word she said to me came out in a hiss. Every paper I wrote got marked up ALL OVER in red, but not because of my grammar or punctuation. She always found a reason to fuss at me in front of the entire class. Some of the boys would run off to the bathroom and come back smelling like cigarettes, but she’d holler at me for making too much noise when I dropped my pencil. 

I took her ire as best I could because I was a good girl who was taught to be respectful and kind in all situations. She looked an awful lot like that octopus-woman in “The Little Mermaid.” I’m not being ugly, I just want you to have a clear picture in your head for what I’m about to tell you. 

Finally one day, I’d had enough. 

My grades were such that I could fail for the rest of the year and still graduate. I came in tardy that day because I’d been doing work for the school newspaper. I had a note from the office excusing my lateness. When I walked into her classroom, before I could show her the note, she started screaming at me in front of the whole class, even calling me really nasty names! At that moment, I knew that woman didn’t deserve my respect. I turned around and walked straight back out of her classroom. 

My about-face kindled her anger further, and she followed me out into the hall.  She started shouting at me to come back, but I kept walking away. Don’t think for a minute I didn’t know what I was doing. 

Her shouts got louder and more intense until other teachers and students came out of their classrooms. At that point, she was so angry she had forgotten where she was and definitely didn’t know anyone was watching. She started chasing after me, still carrying on like a crazy person. Another teacher jumped in front of her, and she stopped. I don’t know what was said between them because I just kept on walking. 

I never went back to her classroom. 

I don’t know what happened or who got involved, but somehow I got an A in that class for the semester, and I haven’t seen her since. 

Now listen, even after all that, I still believed in treating everyone with respect and kindness. This world would be an awful place if we ALL gave up on that. Manners are still as important now as they were 50 years ago. I hate that it’s this way, but there’s always going to be mean spirited people that get in your way. The problem is, there’s not a whole lot you can do about the way they are. You can only control how you react to them, and more importantly, how you let them make you feel.

It’s a shame your Momma can’t just chuck a calculator at these people, but nowadays they’ll talk bad about you on Facebook for that kinda thing. I don’t care how nice you say she is, I know it would feel good to just WHACK ‘em upside the head with a little pocket-sized number cruncher. Yes, we’ve already established that’s a bad idea but still, I bet it would be fun to watch. 

Unless you or your Momma want to adopt a rude spirit yourselves, the only way to deal with this type of behavior is to cut them off, physically and emotionally.  

To start, y’all gotta decide where your self-worth and validation comes from: Is it people-pleasing? The opinions of others?  What is it?

Just like I knew I was a good kid and student who didn’t deserve the hate I got from that teacher, your Momma needs to stand firm in her merit and walk away from those who are mistreating her. It’s like my Daddy used to say, “just let that roll off you like water on a duck's back.” 

It’s not easy to walk away, and the ugly tend to get a whole lot uglier when you turn your back. They might whisper things about her when she stops jumping through those hoops, but her sanity will stay intact if she doesn’t allow them to have access to her emotions. 

Rude people rarely stay undercover, so it’s likely they already have a reputation. Your Momma has obviously done a lot of things right if she’s been in business for 20 years. I bet she has a lot of happy loyal customers out there too.  Focus on those people, and they will have her back if things get sideways.

I’ve seen a lot of crazy in my days, and I know one thing for sure:  even if it seems like it in a moment, nasty, rude people never actually come out on top. 

The good do prevail. 

Tell your Momma to stop giving these ill-mannered folks any of her time, her energy, or one single passing thought. It’s just not worth it. If we all start only cultivating the good in this world, those nasty little disrespectful weeds will eventually get smothered out. 

Give your Momma a hug for me, okay? And let me know if y’all need me to run up there and take care of somebody. I got a calculator in my junk drawer I haven’t been able to see for 10 years. I could put it to good use. I ain’t scared. 

Well, that’s all I got, darlin’. I appreciate you wanting to gain some wisdom from your elders. You are a fine young lady. 

If anyone else wants to get some advice from me, Lord knows I have nothing better to do at this age anyway. Submit your questions on our website here.