Dear Ms. Mabel, 

We recently had a big event in our family, one that should have been an obligation to everyone. It wasn’t, though. A few people refused to make it a priority from the get-go, and a few others bowed out at the lastminute. 

This both breaks my heart and makes me angry. They were raised better than this, and skipping out on obligations seems to be a trend among younger people. I’m not talking about YOUNG people — these folks are in their 30s/40s. A couple of my friends have noticed this with their own families as well. 

 We want to talk to them about it, but don’t want to start a fight. How do we go about this? 

Treading carefully,

Coopertown, TN

Truth be told, families just aren’t what they used to be. But the fact of the matter is, we’re all to blame. 

The way I see it, no one is really holding up their end of the deal anymore. I know I may step on some toes with this one, but I don’t care. WE NEED TO DO BETTER. 

Now, before I go any further let me say, I know this isn’t all families. Some of y’all are doing real good and I’m proud of you for it.  

This post is for everyone else. 

As a general rule, when someone comes to me for advice about someone else, I always start with the one doing the asking. Ask yourself: what am I doing to make the situation better or worse?

Now, take that answer and remove every single bit of pride you put into it. What’s left is the truth. 

I can’t answer that for you, but I can tell you what I’ve observed. This current bunch of grandparents aren’t like the generation before. Y’all got your own thing going on WAY more than we did. I’m not saying you’re wrong, but before you go being mad at the younger folk for not upholding tradition, you may want to look real hard in the mirror and ask yourself where they learned it. 

If that smacked you in the face a little bit, then GOOD. You’re welcome to come over and I’ll knock you in the back of the head, too, to make it even. 

That being said, you younger folks aren’t without blame. Y’all need to quit thinking about yourself so much. Now, you might say that a particular relative is the reason you stay away from the family stuff. That’s hogwash. I give you permission to completely ignore them or fight them, whatever it takes to get it resolved. 

At a certain point, sometime in your late teens, I suppose, you can no longer blame your behavior on anyone else. If an adult isn’t making family a priority, then it’s their choice. I’m not saying it's the wrong choice, but it’s their choice. No one can do a darn thing about it, and anyone trying to is just wasting their time. 

The foundation of a family unit is teamwork, and teams don’t work if everyone doesn’t do their part. 

Everyone has to show respect. 

Everyone has to make family a priority. 

Everyone is held to the same standard. 

My advice to you is to make sure you are doing everything you can to help this situation before you worry about what other people are doing. That’s always the best place to start. 

 We need strong families, y’all, where we all can learn from each other and no one is alone. 

 I’m gonna pray for y’all this week. Lemme know how it goes.