Dear Ms. Mabel,

My daughter recently graduated high school, and we had a party the weekend after. My mother- in-law called her a few days ago and asked if she had started on her thank you notes yet. Neither of us had really thought about the need to send a thank you and, to me, it seems like an outdated practice. I told her not to worry about it, but then I received a thank you note from one of her friends in the mail today. 

Is all that really necessary?

Educate on etiquette,

White House, TN

Truth be told, I don’t feel like you are from around here. It's okay. I’m not mad atcha, just pointing out the obvious so we can move on and answer your question. 

I’m going to tell you right now, the art of writing proper thank you notes is wrapped up in Southern culture tighter than a gnats butt stretched over a stock pot. That’s just the way it is. 

I can tell you think it’s silly, but allow me to make my case. I’ve been watching Matlock every day for the past 30 years, so I probably have the equivalent of a law degree at this point. 

For my first witness, it’s good manners. 

Besides college football, there’s two other areas where Southerners are in constant competition. Firstly, we're always going to try to have the best manners in the room. I don’t know where it comes from, but if you’re going to try to argue against this one, I got nothing else for you. Manners matter and, simply put, writing thank you notes is just good manners. I’ll die on this hill. And despite the rumors, I’ve got a lot of life left in me. 

The second thing we compete over is who among us can produce the best home-grown tomatoes. 

That’s not going anywhere either, thank goodness. 

For my next witness, it’s good for your daughter. 

Now, I don’t know anything about your daughter, but I’m going to go out on a limb and guess she has probably been well taken care of her whole life. That’s a good thing, BUT because of this she probably didn’t REALLY consider each gift she received. Instead, she just kept a running total of the bottom dollar in her mind as she opened all those envelopes. By requiring her to write the thank you notes she’ll, at the very least, be much more aware of all the blessings she received, big and small. Plus, learning to express gratitude is a life skill!

And for my last witness, it’s good for the recipient. 

I don’t know a single soul who doesn’t like getting mail. It’s so nice to shuffle through the junk and bills to find your name hand written on an envelope. Like getting a “thinking of you” text message, but 100 times sweeter. Everyone wants to feel appreciated. Scratch that … everyone NEEDS to feel appreciated. 

Alright, I’m going to rest my case now. Ben Matlock could have done better, I suppose. Hopefully, I've convinced you that the pay off is far bigger than just a couple of sentences written in a monogrammed card. Thank you notes represent a part of our society that must never go away. The thoughtful, mindful, gracious parts that have steeped for generations and cured into a well-loved way of life. We aren’t perfect, but we got that stuff down pat.