We’re going to do things a little differently this time. A few of y’all have written and asked if I had any old wives’ remedies for allergies and to that I say, girl, just stay inside — outside is trying to kill us all right now. 

Nobody asked me for it, but this brought up something I’ve been thinking about since I wrote that one a few months ago about the snow. I reckon I need to explain to y’all some things about spring in these parts, too. 

Buckle up, pup, if spring in the South were a person, it’d be that crazy aunt with multiple personalities who cries when she gets mad but makes a heavenly chocolate cake so we keep inviting her to stuff. 

“That’s oddly specific,” you’re probably saying to yourself right now, but I guarantee you know someone who meets that description. 

Okay, here we go ...

(1) I know it may feel like it outside TODAY, but do NOT plant your garden yet. Listen to Mabel. I know about these things. Wait until mid-April like the Farmers' Almanac says. Your tomato plants will thank you.

(2) Even if we have five days in a row of temperatures above 70 degrees, don't pack away your long pants and warm shirts just yet. These temps will continue looking like lotto numbers on the 10 o'clock news until we get on into May. Until then, they'll be keeping us on the edge of our seats like 77, 54, 48, 72, etc.

(3) Speaking of temperatures, if it's warm when you walking outside in the morning this time of year, that's not a good thing. Just go on and look up when the storms are going to start, because they're coming at some point. Also, you’re not going crazy. A lot of us get headaches on days when the storms are coming. Not every community has tornado sirens, so take other measures. I get the alerts straight to my phone, but you’re gonna have to get someone smarter than me to tell you how to do that. Or you can buy a weather radio. I’m being serious now, find a reliable way to get weather alerts and have a plan about how you’re gonna keep safe when it goes off. 

(4) Just go ahead and prepare yourself for that weird spring fashion. A lot of folks are about to dust off the official shoe of the South: the flip flop. This is especially hard on the men, whose feet haven't seen the sun in a few months. They have no shame and will proudly display piggies looking like somebody replaced their bottle of Jergens with Elmer's glue. God bless 'em, it's bad.

(5) I've heard that a lot of you transplants are a bit taken aback by the amount of BIG bugs we have here. If you've lived here for any amount of time, you know the mosquito is the unofficial state bird, but y'all ain't see nothing yet.

What's coming, you ask? Cicadas, and they give me the heebie jeebies. They're big, alien-looking bugs that make this noise that’s so loud, it’ll about drive you crazy. They ain’t real smart, neither. Fly right toward you. In 2011, cicadas had me looking like Neagan from the Walking Dead, swatting with my baseball bat through the air just to walk to the mailbox.

They’re awful. And we have two large broods coming that haven’t met up since Jefferson was president (no, I wasn’t alive then, stop it). Anyways, I reckon they have a lot to talk about. Just be ready. It’s about to get weird. 

Well, that’s all I got for now. Hopefully this helps some of you new people. Let me know if you have any other questions. Ol’ Mabel will fix you right now. 

P.S. Don’t forget about that severe weather plan! Love y’all! 

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