Truth be told, I'd rather be forced to watch a toddler eat crackers on my side of the bed than give parenting advice, but I’ve got some insight here, so let's chat. 

Well darlin, welcome to the parenting stage I call, “The Terrible 10’s.” I’ve heard it called the “tween” age, but I like my name better. Listen, I’ve been stuck on the wrong side of the fence with an angry bull, defended my life against the meanest rooster you can imagine, and even got chased up a tree by a pack of dogs, but I can say with complete confidence, that hell hath no fury like a 10 year old girl who’s mildly inconvenienced. 

It's like you said, it hits you out of nowhere. All of a sudden, the sweet little girl who thought you could do no wrong now thinks you are a complete idiot with bad hair and ugly shoes. You’re likely equal parts broken-hearted and fighting mad. I don’t know the scientific answer as to what makes these girls tune up with all the gumption of a 300-pound lineman who skipped breakfast, but I do know that this sorta thing has been happening between Mommas and their daughters since the dawn of time. Doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. 

I’ll get to a solution in a bit, but first, of course I have a story to tell. Last week I was in line at the grocery store and the lady in front of me was having a heck of a time. She was wrangling two rambunctious little children while digging in her purse for the money to pay. I’ll admit she was taking too long, but the clerk was getting visibly annoyed as she kept glancing at the long line of customers waiting, and let out a big ole sigh. 

The lady snapped at the clerk in response, “I’m going as fast as I can!” The clerk answered with a “ok then!” Nothing else was said as the lady finally finished up, and then it was my turn. I tried to make small talk with the clerk, but she wasn’t having it.  Another clerk came along to help bag up my things and cast a knowing glance toward his unhappy co-worker and said, “have you heard anything yet?” She responded with a silent nod. Of course I wanted to know what was going on, but I value keeping my head attached to my neck, so we finished our transaction silently, and I made my way to my car. 

The lady who had been in front of me in line happened to be parked right next to my car and was still loading her trunk. She was on the phone, and I probably could have kept from overhearing her conversation, but I’m nosey, so I listened. I won’t repeat it word for word, but the gist was that she had just spent all of her money on groceries and she only had $10 until payday the next week. Those two interactions—in a span of 15 minutes—was almost too much for this old heart of mine. On the surface, it just looked like the clerk and the lady were both just being ugly, but really they were both fighting their own invisible battles. 

Ok now, let's get back to your daughter. Unfortunately, at about 10 years old, little girls get introduced to a whole new set of problems. It varies from girl to girl, but I guarantee your daughter is carrying some kinda load that's too heavy for those little shoulders bare. Now, it might be that she’s worried about a whole lot of nothing, but it’s something to her. 

It could be just that she spends all of her time around other 10 year olds, and if that were me, I’d be miserable too.  If you ask her what's going on, you may or may not get to the bottom of it, so don’t hold your breath for an easy fix. I’ll tell you what you can do though, just love her where she is. Give her all the grace you can muster. You know, I think most of us do a better job of giving grace to complete strangers than we do our closest family. Of course, they’re the ones that can hurt us the deepest, but they also deserve the best of our forgiveness.

And before y’all get your panties in a bunch, I’m not saying let Miss Too Big for Her Britches do and say as she pleases. Momma, you’re most certainly going to have to prevent that girl from allowing her alligator mouth to overload her hummingbird butt before the world teaches her that lesson down the road. Draw your line in the sand and make it clear what will happen if she crosses it. Just don’t lose sight of the fact that your baby is a whole person now, not just an extension of you. Her little brain is working overtime just like yours does while you are juggling everything life throws at you.  

I can’t tell you specifically how to love her best, but I guarantee that you already know. Share your own struggles with her because she can benefit from learning that you are human too. Once you get past the Terrible 10s there's a new set of challenges, but if you do the work now to strengthen your relationship, it’s all downhill from here. If you listen to her “small” problems at this stage, she’ll come to you with the big ones later. And just in case you need a little more motivation to show that baby some grace, remember, she’s the one who’s gonna keep you out of the nursing home some day. 

Well, that’s all for now. Y’all keep sending me your questions, I got more to say. You can submit them online on our website here. 

P.S. If you find yourself needing a break from Miss Too Big for Her Britches, send her my way. I’ve got some weeds that need pullin and my kitchen could use a good scrub. And don’t worry about her sassy mouth, I can’t hear her anyway. 

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