Dear Ms. Mabel,

I’m really down on myself lately. Among other things, I’m about to celebrate my 40th birthday and still haven’t settled on a career. I was a stay-at-home mom for seven years and now that it’s over, I haven’t quite figured out what I want to be when I grow up. I feel like such a loser. I was one of those girls who could have been anything she wanted to, but now I'm so far behind. I don’t know how to catch up. 

Stuck in neutral,

Goodlettsville, TN

Truth be told, the expectations you’ve set for yourself are complete bologna. Almost as bologna as you feel saying the word bologna in your head as you read it knowing full well that it’s spelled b-o-l-o-g-n-a. 

Oh, no. Now we’re going to be singing that stupid song all day. 

Stop it. Stay focused. 

Speaking of focus, you might need to shift yours, little sister. Listen, I’m not going to tell you that the time you’ve spent focusing on your children was the most important job you can do, because you already know it or else you wouldn’t have been doing it to begin with. And I’m not going to tell you how lucky you are to have spent that time with your babies, because that should be pretty obvious, too. 

What I am going to tell you is that the lie of “figuring out what you want to be when you grow up” is basically a scam we used to trick lazy teenagers into growing up and picking a life path. For most people, it just doesn’t work that way. The only ones who really stick with one thing nowadays are tradesmen, and I’m going to go out on a limb and assume you aren't a plumber. 

I mean, if you are there isn’t anything wrong with that. Get on with your bad self. Whoop whoop. 

And for heaven sakes, look at me! I got my first paycheck for writing two years ago. Does that mean I’m finally a grown up because I finally “settled” on a career? Do you think less of me because of it? 

Of course not. 

I know the expectations of women have changed a little since my day, but y’all are being too hard on yourselves. I think it’s pretty darn cool that “one of those girls who could have been anything” chose to give it all to raising babies for a while. 

Now, as far as being behind, who are you actually comparing yourself to? Your expectations or an actual person? 

If it’s an actual person, I want you to take a long hard look at their life and how it differs from yours. Would you trade their life for yours? If the answer is no, then it’s time to accept that you aren’t “behind” at all, but rather right where you need to be. 

If it’s your expectations bringing you down, stop all that nonsense and be nice to yourself. Good grief, darling, just be nice to yourself. 

Jesus says to “love your neighbor as yourself,” and that means what? Right, we’re supposed to care for ourselves, too. 

Remember that. 

Now, go polish up that resume and start your new adventure. I’m proud of you and I love you. 

Also, I can’t end without reminding you…

B-o-l-o-g-n-a! (Hahahahahaha! You’re welcome.) 

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