Dear Ms.Mabel,

My mother-in-law is a very sweet lady, but she’s a TERRIBLE cook. And what’s worse, we eat dinner at her house every Sunday night. I’m fairly health conscious, and every single dish she makes is loaded with butter, too much salt, and highly processed ingredients. She asks for menu suggestions occasionally, and one time I requested more vegetables which translated to her making a broccoli casserole filled with cheese and condensed soup. I’m really starting to despise our Sunday dinners! Please help.  

Thank you!

A Concerned Daughter In Law

Cross Plains, TN

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Truth be told, I’d rather wear wool socks in the shower than give my opinion on another family’s Sunday suppers, but I signed up for this, so here we go. Have you ever noticed that when a Southern person is ready to get off the phone with you, they’ll phrase it like they’re doing you a favor? 

We’ll say things like “Alright then, I’m gonna let you go,” or “I don’t want to keep you,” or even “Well, I know you’re busy, so I’ll let you get back to it.” 

On the surface it just seems like we're just adding a little extra sugar to our tea. We like to be nice or at least seem that way. I think it’s deeper than that though. Favor exchanging is the unspoken currency of the south. It harkens back to a time when neighbors relied on each other for their very survival. For the good people in these parts the “others-first,” hospitable attitude is the bacon grease to our iron skillets. 

Hold on now. I might be barking up the wrong tree.  Now that I think about it, you don’t sound like someone who appreciates a well seasoned skillet like I do. I bet you get to buy a new dress just because you like the color and not because you need it to hide your bat wings and spare tire. Good for you, darlin, I bet you’re precious. 

Anyways, back to talking about favors. First, I’m gonna straighten you out a little bit because you got it bass ackwards. It doesn't sound like your mother-in-law is a bad cook, she just doesn’t cook how you want to eat. Nothing wrong with either one of those, but it’s a no-win situation if someone doesn’t give a little. I’m also guessing your mother-in-law isn’t the type to ask for help. None of us are, but I’ll jump at the chance to take it when offered.

From where I’m sittin’ there's nothing else to do in this situation but to trump your way into a compromise and play the double-sided favor card. In other words, ask your mother-in-law to help you become a better cook by offering to help her prepare the whole spread on Sundays.

Beware, you’re gonna have to commit to the long game. After a few weeks go by, find some recipes–-healthy ones— that you think everyone will like, and ask her if y’all can do them together one Sunday. She might balk at the changes at first, but I’ll bet she comes around if you sell her on the idea under the guise of wanting her expertise. 

If that goes over well, try another recipe and keep it going. Now, listen, you're going to have to compromise a little bit. You can’t go asking this woman to completely change up the way she’s been cooking for the last however-many years. Just start adding healthy bits in here and there but for heaven's sake, make it fit to eat.  

My granddaughter, Ashley, had me eating that avocado toast one time. It tasted like someone smeared an unripe banana on an unseasoned crouton. Yum. I’m convinced nobody actually likes that mess— just like we all pretended to like rice cakes 30 years ago. That was so dumb. Food isn’t supposed to make you miserable.

If my plan doesn’t work, I got nothing else for you. Just eat a couple bites of everything and move on. When your mother-in-law is gone from this earth, I guarantee you’ll be cherishing her recipes and the memories you made gathering around her table.   

Well, I’ve been talking your ear off, so until next time, y’all keep that tea sweet. I’ma let you go. I know you’re busy. Don’t let me keep you. I’ll let you get back at it. See ya. Bye.

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